Late Night Tv

Wow I really love my true friends. They really make my day. I have been in a really bad mood lately and they have cheered me up. Ari, Eryn, Amanda, and Amber thank you very much for being a true friend and helping me through my rough spots in life. Then there is Skylar and Jeff that just make my day with things they say. I love you guys so much and hope I do the same for you. Well, i guess thats what true friends are for.

So tonight Amanda and I went to church to hear Rickey's band. Well, when she came and picked me up the dumb ass backed in to my grass and got hung up. So yeah needless to say her car was covered in mud. But anyways the band was really good and it was a very spiritual time cant wait to hear them again. Well, since we were already in Scott Depot we drove on to St. Albans. Then drove back and had a nice talk while listen to this song that is mine and this guys (You oughta know by Alanis Morissette) because it explains our relationship that we had. So, if you come to my next part then you will hear it b/c Amanda and I are singing it for Karaoke. Lmao. Well then we got back to town and squealed her tires like 4 times. That was a lot of fun. Long black marks in Milton yeah that was us. Thank God there were no cops. Well, then when she went to pull in my driveway I saw my life flash before my eyes. She almost wiped out my mailbox and had to slam on her breaks. So that was my awesome Monday evening.

Ok so Blake texted me out of nowhere I mean we havent talked in like 2 weeks. Now he wants to take me to a movie and im like WTF. Why are guys so confuzing. I think he is mad because ive moved on and really like this new guy im talking to. So i think he thinks he can win me back by taking me to a movie and making a move on me. Well i got news for him... I really like Matt and i wanna be with Matt and nothing Blake does can change that. Blake is not my type and i swear he is gay. So, I'm going to stick with Matt and hope that all goes well between us because hes all ive ever wanted. Sometimes I have to ask myself is he for real cause ive never had a guy be so sweet to me. Well i guess only time can tell what will happen between him and me. But I hope it works out and hope we get to meet real soon.

Are You For Real


Do I really like you
Are you the one for me
Or am I just day-dreaming?

Do you really like me too
Do you want to be with me
Or am I just wishing this into existence?

Are you for real
Do you mean everything you say
Or am I just hearing what I want?

Do you really want me
Do you like mw for me
Or am I just a pretty picture in your eyes?

Are you all talk
Are you just saying things to make me fall for you
Or am I mistaken and you are for real?

Do I want you or your picture
Do I really like you or your looks
Or am I in love with your personality and the true you?

I do like you for you and not your great looks
I do want to be with you as more then friends
I do want you to like me too.

I hope you like me for me and not my looks
I hope you want to be with me too
I hope you want me like I want you.

ok so today went good. I haven't been in this good of a mood in a while now.I think this new guy is doing me some good. I can't quit smiling since we have started talking. I just wish he was on right now cause I wanna talk to him, but we all cant have what we want.

So many good things have been happening so far this week. I don't want this gold streak to end. I hope it only gets better. Well, I better go apply for FASA now. woot.

Ok everyone, Megan finally came out of her shell and told Timmy that she is moving out as so as possible. I'm so proud of her. I thought she would never open her eyes and relize that she deseves so much better. I hope she can find someone out there to love her and Emily both. Well, thats all for now. Later...

Ok, so a lot has went down in the past few days. One girl found a blog that I wrote about her and another girl. Well, I failed to tell one of them (the one that it was sent to) that there was some things about her in it. So, I guess she got mad and all and I'm sorry for any hurt feeling, and anything I have caused. But anyways, Blake is not talking to me and I don't know why. I have text messaged him and he won't answer me back, and I won't brake down and call him b/c I don't know if he is at work. And John, the guy he lives with, said he has been acting weird lately and not talking. I don't know what is up but would like to. Well, it could be it just really hit him that is Grandma passed away too, but I have no clue and would like some answers. So, I don't know what to do. If anyone has any suggestion or advice please Instant message me, Nikkerz006, email me on myspace, or leave a comment. Please tell me something… Later.

I had a break through. I am over Daniel Childers. After all these years I am finally over the boy. I just realized it yesterday. I was driving by his house and realized I have no feelings for him anymore. I am so proud of myself.

For eveyone wanting to know... yes i played hookie today and didn't go to school. I feel asleep and had my alarm set for 11pm to wake up and finish my report due today. Well, i son't remember what happened, but i talked to my friend Amanda and she said i was really rude and i turned my alarm off plus told my mom i was getting up to go due my report. Well, I do not remember any of this. I don't know what i said or done and that is scary. So, needless to say i woke up at 4 am and started my report and was still doing it when i was suppose to be taking a shower. So, i told mom i was staying home. So i stayed home, and slept umtill 11 and enjoyed the beautiful day while you all were in school. he he. Well, I will be there tomorrow. (today now) so see you all later.

The One For Me

By: Nikki Collins



I'm in love with a man I don't even know

Who doesn't know me either,

But I know I love him and he loves me back.

Someday we will meet and know that it is right,

We may even know from the start.

I don't know when that day will be,

But hopefully it is really soon.

I may have passed him in the hallway,

Maybe even on the street.

He may be in one of my classes,

Or not even in my school at all.

I don't know where he is,

Or even who he is.

But someday I will find out

Who the man is that loves me

Just as much as I love him.

And you my friend,

You may be the one for me

Love

By: Nikki Collins



Love is such a powerful word

People abuse it everyday

I've said it many times to many people

But how many times have I really meant it?



I mean it when I saw it to my family,

And when I say it to my friends

But what about when I saw it to a guy

Do I really mean what I say?



Do I mean it when I say it to a boyfriend

Does he mean it when he says it to me

When we say it is it just a routine

Or do we think it through and really mean it?



Have I ever really loved a guy

Or have I just said those three words routinely

Do I just say it to keep him around

Or is it so I can say I love someone?



If love is such a small word

Then why do we say it so often

And not even mean what we say

Why do we abuse such a powerful word?

Sad

By : Nikki Collins



I always get sad

When I see others around me

With someone they love

And really care about



I want someone by my side

Someone to call my own

Someone to show me the love I deserve

Not to be there only when they want to be



I don't want to feel sad anymore

I want someone who loves me

Loves me for who I am

Not who they want me to be



I hate it when I see to people together

Happy as can be with each other

Holding hands while walking and talking

Showing the other one just how much they care



Holding hand and cuddling

Those are two things I long for

I want someone to share my every care with

Someone who really cares about me



I want someone to be there for me

When I'm feeling down and out

Someone to dry my tears

When I've been crying



I just want someone by my side

Someone to call my own

Someone to love me for who I am

And not who they want me to be.



I don't want to be sad anymore

And cry myself to sleep at night

Or get jealous of what others have and I don't

I just want to be happy with someone I love.

Well, I guess it's just another Valentines Day without a guy. I was thinking the other day, and I have only had a boyfriend on one V-day. That really sucks. Am I really that bad? Am I ugly or mean or what? What is so wrong with me that no guy want to be with me? I mean I have went from talking to three guys to talking to myself now. I guess I am that bad. Well, everyone that has a man out there I hope you have a Wonderful Valentines Day with them and get everything you want and have ever dreamed of. Cause to me its just a day that lets everyone know who is single and who is not and who is loved and who is not. Well in someone's famous words.......................

Valentine's Day Stinks!!!

Well, I guess it is over between Blake and I. He screwed up or I did one. I am tired of his lame excuses of why we can’t go out and why he can’t hang out with me. I always plan things to do and he says yes then changes his plans at the last minuet or has a stupid excuse. I think he is gay or something. Like I was trying to prove to everyone and all my friends that he was not gay, but now I might just believe it. I mean what guy has to go see his grandma once a week, especially when I plan to go out on date with him. Also, yesterday I asked him to come hang out with me after I sang. Then, he said he would come hear me sing but he had to eat. But this boy told me he only eats one meal a day so why did it have to supper. Then, I asked him if I could stop by on my way home, and he said he would be a sleep. It was 8:30… I hate this. I feel like I am the only one in this relationship. So, I am call it quits. I hate this. I haven’t had a boyfriend in 2 years, and I really felt a connection with Blake, but I guess it was mixed signals. I want a boyfriend, but not a guy like Blake. I want someone that will not lie to me, and want to go out and have fun. I mean I understand that Blake has a job and all and he has to be away on weekends, but he could at least try to make time for me. Well, I guess that is all and I am going to be single for a few more years, cause it seems that no guy likes me. And the once that seem to have an interest in me have a girlfriend. (ex. Nate Johnson). Well I guess I’m back out looking for me a guy. Until next time… Later

Ok, so my day started out good. I instant messaged Blake and was like "Hey i'm soory for everything and if you want to talk call me or whatever or if not then I guess it's bye for now." Well he called me and was like where did you get that from. So im guessing he cares about losing me since he called me as soon as he read it. So, that is good. But this is the only thing that went right today so now for the drama...........

Ok so tonight Megan, Eryn, and I were going out t ohang out tonight. Well, nothing went as planed. First off all I got ponded off in to taking 2 more friends to two place and then to pullman. Well, I was going to pullman anyways but it wasw a waste of gas to pick them up and take them to these other place. Like I am sick and tired of being a Taxi. Like Heather talks shit about me all the time but when she needs something she sucks up to me. I am not doing anything for her anymore. I am sick and tired of her shit and all this drama. She wanted us all to go have a good time together but then leaves with her g/f and doesn't come back until its time to go. And then Timmy calls Megan and yells at her and then I yell at him he says hes going to kick my ass. But im not going to start in on that b/c that is just way to much shit. If you want to know what went down just call and ask. Well then my car over heats and starts to smoke and i had to go to walmart and sit there while it cools down and then hope i get home with out it burning up. Well, now im home and going to bed b/c I'm so tired and have a long day ahead of me. So... Later...

Ok. So I want to town and texed Blake to see if I could stop by and see him, he was like no cause i'm at my grandmas. So I was like can I call you and he was like no cause I'm not home. So then he was like I didn't like some of those questions you asked me. Well ok about that he told me to ask him 20 questions, so i did 40 and all my friends chipped in on giving me questions. Well anyways... he got afended by some of them and got all bitchie about it. So, i just gave up apoized and told him goodnight and left it at that. So as of right now he hates me, and i just blew every chance I had of being with him out the door. I don't guess it is ment for me to be with anyone. This sucks so bad cause I am really starting to like him. I want to get to know him and see if anything could come out it. But, I don't see that now . Well, thats all for now.. Later...

Ok, so Blake and I were suppose to go see a movie tonight, but at the last minute he bailed on me. He said he had too much to do. They are going to Michigan and are leaving at midnight tomorrow. And he has to pack the bus. So, it is completely understandable. So, I will forgive him this time. But, he said he would call me later and maybe we can go next week when he has less to do. So, hopefully that will work out better. But, I did get to see him today. I stop by to give him his note I wrote him. I like his haircut, but I still liked it better shaggy, so does he. But, he is so cute and sort of sweet. lol. He was like you can’t come in b/c Big John’s not here, and I was like ok I wasn’t going to. So, at least he is respectful to Big Johns rules. I hope so much that everything works out and something comes out of him and me. Cause I’m really starting to like this boy. Well until next time… later…

Ok. So I really like this guy and hope/ think he likes me. which is really cool. He is so so so sweet. He is the guy in my dreams. I can't believe that he could be my first b/f in 2 years. I really think something is going to come out of me and him. I mean come on this guy might be the one for me. But, anyways, this makes me so happy b/c for once my friends are jealous of me instead of me of them. I can't stop smiling I am so happy. I hope he calls tomorrow cause they are in NC doing something. Can't wait to meet him. Well, until next time... Later.

Ok, so I have really realized who my true friends are in the last week. Cause this has been one of the worst weeks ever. For starters I had $35 stole from me. So, now I have to pay that out of my own pocket, and what sucks most about that is that I only make around $20 off of that. So that is a loss of $15. Also, Mom and I have really been in a lot arguments lately. And my friends have really showed me who they are, and who is really my friend or just there. First is Nancy. She is really getting on my nerves. It’s like the world has to revolve around her. She never really gives me a chance to say anything. Like she always has to tell me about her problems. I go to say something and halfway through she interrupts me, and start talking about something about her. Or I will be saying something and she is like hurry up I have to tell you something and stop listening to me. Also, when she has other friends around she ignores me. She pushes me back and ignores me. When I try to push my way back up she won’t let me. Sometimes I even just walk away and she doesn’t even know it. Then, when she does she asks me where did you go I needed to tell you something. I hate it I what to yell at her and tell her how I feel but I can’t. I don’t know where to start. Then, there is Sam. She always has to have DRAMA around her and in her life. If there is no drama then she is not happy. She expects everyone to like her and if you don’t then she will either try to make you like her or talk trash about you. Her and Nancy talk behind my back all the time. And it is great when your real friend have over heard them and tell you all about it. There are other friends to that have stabbed me in the back, but those are the two that stick out in my mind right now. Oh and then, Kachina and Court just need to get a life and get over themselves and quite taking trash. My true friends are Eryn, Ari, Amber, Amanda, Megan Clark, Carlos, Will, Kim and Megan James. Eryn, you have been my best friend since kindergarten. You have stuck by my side and we have never parted. We have really gotten close this year. I love you and know that we will be friends forever because of everything we have through. Ari, you have been a big inspiration in my life. You has opened my eyes to new things and made realize things and people. I love you and the things you do for me. You are always there for me when I need you and I for you. Amber, you are always there when I need you and have helped me through some problems this year. I hope we stay friends. Amanda, Girl I am so glad we finally good friends. We have been through so much together. I know we will stay friends no matter what now. Megan C I know you have been through a lot and I hope that someday Timmy will realize what he has and open his eyes and treat you so much better then he does. Carlos, I love you and glad we are friends. I’m so glad I met you. You have made my life fun and parties more fun (DDR). Will, I love you too. I glad we met and are friends. I hope I have made an impact in your life like you have in mine. Remember you can come to me no matter what and talk. Kim, my daughter, I know I yell at you for so much but its for your own good. Take it to heart. Girl I’m going to make you someone some day, but before I can do that you first have to realize. Megan J, my clubbin girl, can’t wait to go have fun with you. Glad we are finally friends. I know I still in high school, but at least you have something to do with me now. Well, that’s all for now sorry if I missed someone I so tired I can’t think straight. So until next time, Later.

Ok, so we didn't get to go, which really sucked, but .... I had fun anyways. So, I went to the Hamlin Guyan Valley Game. Go Bobcats. They won by like 12. Go Amanda . Oh, and the guy I was suppose to meet, well, his head was so far up his ass he didn't even talk to me was So, from there we went to TJ Billiards with Amanda's boyfriend to wait on Megan who was suppose to meet us at I-Hop at 10:30. I called her at 10:30 and she was still at work and couldn't be their till 11:30. So, Amanda and I played a round of pool , which I won. Well, not long after that Megan called and said she had to close, so she could not come. But... we could do it on Saturday. Well Amanda's in trouble so she can't do it today. So then Amanda and I decide to go without her. But then the smoke at TJ's was making me sick. So, from there we went to Taco Bell at 11:50pm. We ate and went over to our friend's house Brandon. Well, Amanda drank three shot of Yeager Bomb, I had a very small sip (nasty). While they did that and played chess . I slept in his bed (Oh so comfortable). So, we left there at like 1:15am, and I drove her ass in her car to Milton Middle School to play basket ball with a few McDonald's workers. well, the cop came back there so we stayed at the basket playing while the guys went and talked to him. All he wanted to know was if we were doing drugs or smoking. So all was well. And we did all this and were suppose to be seeing Grandma's Boy. So, we got home about 2:00am. I watched The Sweetest Thing while Amanda slept, And I just got her off to work and can't fall back to sleep. And it is snowing like crazy.WEll, until next time later.